Apprehension

Last night my Master had finally come home, and after I served dinner (moussaka!) and we’d watched a couple episodes of Waking the Dead while we snuggled, I asked permission to go to bed because I was exhausted from cooking (moussaka is not an easy recipe!) and going to a business meeting that day (and over an hour on public transport either way!) He gave me permission, but then I begged him to come snuggle me a bit more before I fell asleep, and he kindly came with me to bed.

We snuggled and talked about a number of things, but conversation led to a thought I’d had while stuck on the train, which was what we might “get up to” this weekend. I thought about shooting a CP video, and wondered what we might do. A few days ago, a search term used to find this blog was “caning and anal sex video.” So I started thinking of him putting me over the punishment chair and caning me for the video, and then fucking my ass while I cried.

Suddenly, a rational (and seldom heard) voice in my head said, “That’s really going to hurt — why do you want that?!” The answer came from what I jokingly call my “hindbrain” (that being my genitalia, from whence I seem to do much of my thinking!) — my pussy was hot and I could feel the blood rushing into it. So, obviously, no amount of rational thought with the main brain had any relevance — my pussy knows what I want and need much better!

But still, the apprehension for an upcoming caning twinged through me. So I started telling myself things like:

• Once it starts, there will be only a certain number of strokes. I can get through it.
• He never pushes me over my limit. I can get through it.
• Once the first shocking strokes are done, I will get the hang out it. I can get through it.

So I was telling him all of the things I’d had to tell myself, saying to him, “I know my apprehension would appeal to you, Sir.” My hand was playing with the hair on his chest as I spoke.

Suddenly, he said to me in a strange voice, “What are you trying to do, girl?”

I was confused. I was just chatting and snuggling. Yes, we were talking about sexy stuff, but I knew he was tired from travelling and I wasn’t trying to make a scene happen….

I was just trying to explain this when he gestured and I looked down and saw a huge tenting in his underpants. “Oh!” was my magniloquent response, and I immediately moved down between his legs to remedy the problem I’d caused!

It’s so sexy to me that he gets so turned on by my nervous apprehension to pain and punishment. It’s not that he doesn’t also enjoy when I’m enthusastically masochistic, but I think it means more to both of us when I take pain from him despite fear and trepidation.

domestic discipline and anal sex

My last post was actually supposed to be an intro to this erotic fantasy, but it grew so large and unwieldy that I just made it its own post, and posted this seperately. Here’s the fantasy I have about how my Master could have punished me for leaving the camera overnight in the car….

“Zille, do you know what I found in the car when I went downstairs?”

“No, Sir.”

“The camera.”

“Oh, Sir! I’m very sorry! I wasn’t feeling well when we came back last night. I know how lucky I am that it wasn’t stolen, and your car broken into again. I’m really very sorry.”

“I’m glad that you understand that, girl. But you still need to be punished.”

In a very small voice: “Yes, Sir.”

“I think you need an aid to your memory. Go get the large bronze butt-plug.”

Exploring the dark depths of sadism

Pixiepie’s Master responded to an unintentional challenge from Pixie in her blog today. It was so hot — it doesn’t matter if you are into what he was writing about (nails and razors and real brutality) because what was the most hot was simply being allowed to go with him on the journey to his darkest desires. And the final paragraph darn near made me melt, so I can’t imagine what it did for Pixie!

I’ve had a lot of fantasies about my Master really delving in to his dark side. Actually, these days, most of my fantasies are about that. I want him to tie me down on the bed or chair, and then put the penis gag and spandex hood on me (to muffle my screams as much as possible) and then just let go … let his sadist side loose.

I know how much he holds himself in control. And he is so careful with me … he can hurt me a lot, he can cause some serious bruising on my bottom and thighs … but he still has to hold himself back, he’s never able to just do whatever he wants.

But in my fantasies (and hopefully someday in real life!) he just immobilizes me, and gets to use my body as whim and fancy take him. My fantasies include a number of things, like the tawse being used on me over and over and over, with no time for recovery, just me drowning in a sea of pure pain.

In my own head, I really am quite cruel to myself! One idea I’ve had was that, when bent over the chair, he puts the clover clamps on me, running the chain through a rung between the chair legs. Then, whenever I jerk up from the pain of the beating, the clamps will tighten that much more, punishing me for moving out of position.

(They say that masochists make the cruelest sadists. I can totally see that! I wouldn’t want me to top me, that’s for sure!)

As I masturbate, thinking about these things, I throw in random details of his cruelty to me. Maybe warm me up, literally, with ginger up my bottom, and then start the beating? Or perhaps fucking my pussy or ass until it’s sore, and after he’s come and I think the pain is over, he grabs a large dildo and starts slamming it into me (the only lube being his come inside me!), while I cry and try to beg him to stop through the gag.

Or maybe he would use one of the toys I despise. The heavy black cane, perhaps, or other toys I’d generally prefer that he forget he owns! Maybe he would get out that toy, one of the ones that I’m at my pain-limit after about three strokes, and beat me until his arm is too tired to go on.

And he talks to me, in my fantasies, as he does this. He tells me I am helpless, that he is going to hurt me terribly and there is nothing I can do but scream. That he is going to use my body however he wants, and that my screams and sobs will only be the icing on the cake.

It always ends in anal sex, of course, because what else can make me feel so helpless and and reduced to being a thing-that-is-used so fast. Unless of course he has something painful in my bottom, in which case he’ll fuck me … slow if it’s ginger, so that the pleasure won’t overwhelm the pain, or fast if it’s some huge butt-plug so that it is also slammed painfully deeper into me at the same time as his cock.

You know … all of these thoughts has me pretty worked up! I think I’m going to spend some quality time with Mr. Buzzy….

Straitjacket, pussy-beating fantasy

Right now I’m having a recurring fantasy about a scene I’d love my Master to do with me…

I’m in the leather straitjacket with removable breast flaps. We found out while doing another scene that if you lie me on my back and wrap my arms around my legs and fasten the straps, I’m left in a particularly vulnerable position.

In my fantasy, he has pulled off the tit flaps and exposed my breasts, and put these nasty little tight clips we have all over my breasts. Then he has taken the Metal Genital Whip, and beaten my exposed pussy and thighs and bottom, until I am screaming and trying to squirm away, or roll away, or just get away any way I can. But all he has to do is hold me down with one strong hand, and there is nowhere I can go.

He pays especial attention to my pussy, making the lashes of the martinet cut into that softest flesh over and over again. Then, when I am sobbing helplessly, completely worn out by the pain, he takes some more of those evil little clips and attaches them to my inner labia … and then one right on my clit.

As I scream and beg him to take those painful clips off my already bruised flesh, he tells me I have no choice but to take it as he lubes up his cock. Then, telling me I am lucky that he doesn’t fuck my pussy with its clipped lips, he pushes his cock into my ass and uses me for his pleasure as I cry from the combined pain of the clips and rough penetration.

(As a variation of this, I’m a schoolgirl who has been caught for the third time letting some guy stick his dick into her, and this is my punishment for my promiscuity – beating it, and then, since my pussy has been “defiled,” only my ass will do for his pleasure now!)

video review: Honey gets anal punishment

So, I have a guilty pleasure: it’s an anal porn site called “Asstraffic.” I know — it’s a bit embarrasing to like a site with a name like that! However, it is admirably to the point!

The reasons I like this site are many and varied. But they mostly pertain to the fact that the video and stills are super-high-quality, and that when I want to see anal porn, that’s what I want to see, and this site delivers. The highest compliment I can give this site: it is the ONLY time in my life I have paid for porn! And I think it’s worth the money.

There’s a video I particularly like on this site. It’s from a video of a sweet young thing named “Honey.” Here she is below…

This girl is not a jaded porn star. She has a real body, and it is probably the first porn she has made. At least it’s the first sex-on-camera she’s had. And it’s possibly the first anal sex she’s ever had! They can barely work the “warm-up dildo” into her virginal bottom.

Now, here we get in to what a nasty pervert I am. Because this video does not go particularly well — we can’t really say that Honey has a good time making her first anal porn. But that’s what turns me on!

Happily for my sense of self, it’s not because I like to see pretty young girls suffer. (Okay, so actually I do, but only if they have consented!) But this isn’t about Honey, per se, but about me putting myself in her shoes as I watch the video. Her suffering becomes my suffering as I watch — and we all know that I love to suffer, particularly when it comes to the anal sex!

Here is a still from the video, from my favorite part of the movie:

holes for rent: a story

I am delighted to say that the explicit anal sex video that I posted a few days ago, which turns me on so much, has inspired a very hot story by oatmeal girl over on her blog, “submission & metaphor.”

I myself have fantasies about this very thing. (Although in my fantasies, I’m afraid safer sex just goes right out the window! I want come dripping out of every viable orifice!)

One fantasy, that I will get around to writing up one day, comes from Caligula forcing the senator’s wives to prosititute themselves (you couldn’t say “no,” as the there were two choices and the other was “death.”) In my fantasy, my Master is ceasar (not The Ceasar, just the title), and I am his wife and he decides to raise funds (probably to pay the armies, who chronically were underpaid and always supported whomever said they’d get a raise) by prostituting me out to any Roman who could afford it. In my fantasies, though, it’s my pussy that’s kept in reserve (you wouldn’t want the emperor’s wife pregnant with just anyone’s child!) and my mouth and ass that are for rent. It makes for a pretty hot fantasy! It also has the “preparation” period like in oatmeal girl’s story!

My first birching (plus caning and anal sex!)

(Noto bene: This post was written last night, while my Master was out doing some errands. Pictures from the birching are here.)

The birches mumbojumble gave us have been sitting in a vase for a couple weeks, now. Giving me a frisson of anticipation every time I walked past them. Today was the day they finally got used on my naked bottom.

Sometimes, you plan scenes – detailed, intricate role-play. Sometimes, scenes just happen.

My Master and I were putting some shelves in our lovely new wardrobe (and thanks to our dear friend, whom I think I shall give the name “Mr. Stag,” for wasting his weekend helping us get and assemble our wardrobe!) We finished all the work we could do, and my Master lay down on the bed. Something in the way he did so gave me the hint that kinky stuff would shortly follow. So I climbed on the bed and started running my hands up and down his legs … trying to indicate my receptivity. I hadn’t really been in a place where I was actively thinking about sex … but knowing he was took me from naught to sixty in no time flat!

After a period of meaningful eye-contact and rising horniness, I finally stopped fondling his thighs, and lay down beside him. In doing so, I brushed against him, and suddenly realized he was as throbbing erect as possible! He told me it was time to finally get my birching, and fear shot through me – but I couldn’t help grinning like an idiot!

He pointed out that only bad girls got birched. I responded that perhaps it was time for my bad girl persona to come out and play … maybe she had stayed out all night, doing things she wasn’t supposed to with boys. He was right there with me, and brought in the running role-play fantasy we have of the bad girl and her ever-so-patient housemaster, who has taken her under his wing (a cane-wielding wing!) and who is trying to prepare her (by way of tenderizing her bottom at regular intervals!) to send her off to a training institution (we’ve already given it a name: “The Lausanne Institute”) so that she can be his perfect girl.

Well, my Master likes a challenge, because my bad-girl persona doesn’t give in gracefully! No, she fights and whinges and generally makes as much as possible that much harder for herself! Yes, he likes the challenge! When I deliberately do or say something that gets me in more trouble, he gets such a glint in his eye! And then he hands out a serious thrashing!

Well, after we’d set up our story-line, he told me what to wear, and to make a birch rod and bring it to him. On went the navy gym shorts and gym skirt, a white shirt with blue tie, and grey sweater and white knee socks. (Because I was a bad girl, I pushed the socks unevenly around my ankles, and didn’t tuck my shirt in. I also left one button undone, as I was sneaking back in after a night of debauchery, and thus should be a bit mussed!)

Then, I had to make the birch rods! Very kindly, mumbojumble had provided some sample rods, so I had immediate examples to hand. The birch twigs she gave us were quite long, so I made two shorter length rods, one with the thinnest ends, and one of the thickest ends. (When it comes to pain, my Master can always count on me to be thorough!)

Then I went and knocked on the bedroom door, heart thumping my my chest, trying to bring up all my bravado and attitude, so I could get into some serious hot water….

My favorite anal porn video clip (very explicit)

As you can probably tell, I’ve been spending a certain amount of time over at YouPorn. In some ways, it’s a deeply unsatisfactory site. But there are some gems among the video clips there.

Like this one: a video clip of the hottest anal sex I’ve ever seen.

I can’t help but watch this video over and over again. This is exactly what I want to see when it comes to porn! I love how tight her anus is, and how he has to shove his cock inside. As I watch him thrusting in and out, I imagine how much it is hurting her, which sends thrills of pure sexual excitement up and down my spine.

And then, I love how his balls tense up — you can see the muscle spasms! — as he comes inside her ass. And then seeing his come dribbing out of her punished anus.

But best of all is how used and objectified she is. She is faceless, kept in a very strict and not particularly comfy position, and he just uses her for his pleasure. Look at the way he handles her, especially at the end. Again, more pure sexual excitment shooting around in my brain and zinging down to my pussy!

When I watch this video, I pretend the girl is me, and the guy is my Master (another good thing about faceless porn!)

Here’s what I look like in that postion, by the way…

The details of my punishment

(N.B. — this is the punishment that resulted in this picture)

When it was time for my punishment, my Master told me to go put on the white spandex punishment shorts. I was already wearing a white spandex shirt, so I left that on. He gave me 20 minutes to prepare myself and a number of specified items. They were:

• A carved ginger root
• Rice
• Items to easily clean rice up with (I brought a piece of thin cardboard and the hand vac – it never hurts to be thorough when you are about to be punished!)

Figging fantasies (anal discipline, cane, tawse, spanking)

This is a fantasy that has been running through my mind pretty much every time I’ve masturbated in the past couple weeks. I though I’d share it … and maybe if my Master likes reading it, it will come true!

I’m bent over the convertible step-stool-chair , which has been converted to its step-stool aspect. The wood is cold under my lower tummy and hips. My ankles and wrists are in the leather cuffs, which are clipped to the O-rings on the legs of the chair. I can squirm, but I can’t do anything else.

And I’m about to squirm. Because you have the ginger plug which you made me carve – how sadistic to make me create the instrument of my own torture….

You wet it with some cold water, and take a wet finger and tease my anus with it, making me involuntarily tighten up. You laugh and tell me that I can’t keep the ginger out – that since you want it up there, I have no choice in the matter.